Stop the Self-Sabotage
Getting Out of Your Own Way
A 3-week online course
with Kelley Gardner
Life Coach, Ayurveda Specialist, Yogi
April 2-23, 2023
What blocks you from your goals and desires?
Are you a perfectionist?
Do you procrastinate until you’ve run out of time?
Do external forces (other people’s needs, work, life) get in the way of you meeting your own important goals?
You are NORMAL.
So why do we self-sabotage?
The simplest answer is fear. Self-sabotaging behaviors are misguided but effective ways our minds stop us in an attempt to keep us from getting hurt, embarrassed, feeling stupid, failing, or getting rejected (to name a few).
There will always be external forces over which we have no control. But we do have control over several things:
- Our relationship with ourselves.
- Becoming aware of how we self-sabotage.
- Learning to work effectively with our minds.
- Cultivating new healthy habits that can end our tendencies to sabotage our best efforts.
It would be nice if they taught this in school. Sigh.
In this course our 3 primary methods for learning, practice, and transformation are:
- Ayurveda and the psychology of the Doshas as they relate to self-sabotage.
- Working with specific Archetypes common with self-sabotage and resistance.
- Learning to access your core “Self” essence as your foundation for decision making.
AYURVEDA & SELF-SABOTAGE
Thousands of years ago, the sages and physicians of the time categorized everything in nature in relation to the 5 elements (earth, water, fire, air, ether). Various combinations of the elements were called doshas or natural constitutions. The 3 doshas are called vata, pitta, and kapha and each dosha digests emotions, thoughts, stress, and even foods differently.
We are born with our own unique combination of vata, pitta, and kapha. Each dosha has unique strengths and also natural challenges when under stress.
Here are a few of each dosha’s unique challenges when it comes to self-sabotage. Which do you most easily relate to?
- Vata gets overwhelmed quickly, lacks focus (think “squirrel”), becomes anxious and ungrounded easily, tires quickly, and can’t seem to get any one thing done from beginning to end. Vata often gets in her own way of succeeding because she lacks daily routines that keep her grounded. She forgets easily and gets distracted even going from one room to the next.
- Pitta will take on too much responsibility (especially if no one else is stepping up) because she is a natural leader. Her perfectionist tendencies get in her way through overthinking and over-working. Because she figures things out way before everyone else and knows what everyone needs to do, her inner critic struggles to relax, slow down, listen to others, and ask for help.
- Kapha’s naturally relaxed and easy-going nature can quickly turn to couch-potato mode when she’s overwhelmed making it hard to take action and meet her own goals. When kapha becomes sedentary, her tendency is to become emotionally heavy and mentally “stuck” in unhelpful patterns.
Remember these are “shadow” sides of the doshas. Each dosha also has numerous positive characteristics that govern how you move through the world in your best light. Learning about your natural strengths and challenges is your first step in developing the skills to work with doshas and self-sabotage.
ARCHETYPES AND SELF-SABOTAGE
Archetypes are universal patterns, symbols, behaviors, and personalities that shape our thoughts, beliefs, motivations, decisions, and actions. Jungian psychology teaches that we inherit genetically instinctive patterns of behavior from our ancestors. They are universally archetypal because they leave the same or similar patterns through the ages. From birth these universal patterns are part of us and we are a part of them.
We also develop unique, individual archetypes as we grow up and experience the coping strategies and patterns of those who influenced us (parents, relatives, teachers, etc).
Archetypal patterns are a gateway on this journey of self-discovery and learning to take responsibility for our lives. Just like doshas, archetypes help us see our unique beauty and full human potential. They also have a shadow side that can sabotage what seems like our best efforts to create, succeed, and experience wholeness.
In this course we will dive into common archetypes that fuel our potential for self-sabotage. And we will practice ways to work consciously with your primary archetypes. An example is the Caretaker/Giver. We are wired for connection and relationship and the caretaker/giver is positively moved by compassion, generosity, and empathy. When the shadow side of the caretaker/giver archetype is dominant, it can present as: lacking healthy boundaries, a strong need for acknowledgment from others, codependence, and over-sacrificing (the martyr).
Doshas and archetypes have gifts (superpowers) and challenges (shadows). Our inner “work” doesn’t rid us of archetypes any more than we can willfully change our primary dosha(s). Learning how to work with them makes you more consciously aware of what is happening in the moment and how to respond to old patterns that come up in your mind.
All of this is best undertaken with curiosity, interest, and a healthy dose of humor!
Core SELF Energy -THE ESSENCE OF YOU
Many eastern spiritual traditions consider the Self a contracted form of the One Great Awareness/God/Consciousness/pure Love that supports and sustains all things. Self energy resides within us and does not change. It is the part of us that lives on after we pass. In Christianity, it may be called Spirit. In Buddhism, the Buddha nature. This differs from lower case “self” which includes your thoughts, emotions, and beliefs.
Meditation teacher Sally Kempton (The Heart of Meditation) explains the Self Energy this way:
Think of yourself as composed of two different aspects: a part that changes throughout your life and a part that doesn’t. The changing part of you – body/mind/personality – looks very different now than it did when you were 10. The part that remains constant is the Awareness (the Self) that holds all of your inner characters.
Dick Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems, offers another beautiful way to understand Core Self Energy. He uses 8 words that begin with C to explain how we feel when we are accessing and making decisions from Core Self Energy. The Cs are: clear, calm, confident, compassionate, connected, courageous, curious, creative. In my own life, the moment I realize that I’ve lost compassion and curiosity, I know that I am not responding from my Core Self.
HOW IT WORKS
Join an Open Cohort of other Curious and Wise Women
STOP THE SELF-SABOTAGE INCLUDES
2 online pre-recorded classes for you to listen to in the first 10 days.
- Class 1: Introduction to Ayurveda and the psychology of the doshas as they relate to self-sabotage. Becoming fluent in your understanding of doshas is key to working with the unique ways resistance comes up for you. Includes dosha quiz, handouts, and notes.
- Class 2: Introduction to Archetypes and Common Archetypes related to self-defeating behaviors. The language of archetypes is a universal language we understand and relate to immediately. Includes handouts and important notes for determining your own resistance archetypes.
1 online 90 minute group master class + Q&A with Kelley
- A lively discussion where we will unpack more about the doshas and archetypes while focusing on tools and techniques to recognize resistance and stop self-sabotaging behaviors.
1 private 1-hour session with Kelley
- The perfect time to delve into your own patterns more deeply. This work is integral to all my Life Coaching with women.
2 Free online yoga classes per week (4 weekly classes to choose from)
- Mondays 5:45-6:45p – Vinyasa for Core Strength
- Wednesdays 8:00-9:00a – Breathing for a Calm Nervous System * Gentle Yoga *Meditation
- Thursdays 9:00-10:00a – Deep Stretch
- Sundays 9:00-10:00a – Align & Flow
Private Facebook Group for sharing and Q&A
Early Bird Pricing
$299/person (register by 3/22)
After 3/22 the course is $349 per person.